Home > Hesitating > Red Rover, Red Rover

Red Rover, Red Rover

Not to ear-hustle but the sudden introduction of a phone conversation proved too intrusive to allow my attention’s dedication to breakfast and the news… My future former roommate is sharing the latest gossip with her mother concerning one of the girls she will be living with and her current roommates… Got that?

As I understood events, these two unnamed people decided to spend an afternoon in a suitable roommate bonding excursion: shooting guns at the range… The girl excuses herself to get a soda, returns, then wordlessly pumps a round into her skull…

A couple of days later my selection for the stereo is “No New York” which elicits the interest of a co-worker who begins thumbing through the booklet… He asks me about Adele Bertai which isn’t much of a surprise– a picture of her in an old “Search and Destroy” is what got me to check out The Contortions, and subsequently the no-wave scene, in the first place… Unfortunately pictures are almost the extant of my knowledge, tho she did has something of a solo career singing in the 80’s which seems to have culminated in a regretable album smeared with Prince’s fingerprints… Oh yeah…

She lived with Peter Laughner back in Cleveland– but this requires explanation… The original guitarist of Rocket From the Tombs and Pere Ubu… She’s the one that found him… How’d he die? Pills…

My co-worker wants to know what’s up with all these quiet little suicides, all these people killing themselves alone… Immediately I think of the overheard conversation, of monks setting themselves on fire, but I let him continue unabated… I’m not talking about fuckin’ Hale-Bopp shit– why doesn’t anyone ride the nuclear bomb into congress?

Now that’s a pretty good question… Obviously most suicides occur when people are alone because miserable solitude is a contributing factor to their demise… People in the bathtub digging the razor in don’t often find a friend sitting on the toilet saying, ‘fer Chrissake, let’s not get all dramatic here… Put that thing down and we’ll talk about it.” The acts tends to be the result of opportunity and circumstances holding hands and catching impulse between them in a game of red rover… Everyone has their low points of existence and everyone has had the means to remove themselves from themselves but not everyone who walks along the edge of a roof or picks up a gun or who drives along the low rails along a cliff feels that spark, that invisible push, that whatever it takes to propel them towards oblivion… Just standing there thinking about how easy it would be doesn’t mean you actually do it…

So, in fact, the act of public suicide would require a combination of misery and disgust most people have never experienced or, as has lately become all the rage, an unbelieveable dedication to some diety or self-annointed voice of said diety… Bribery, however, is a little pathetic to me– taking the fast track to eternal paradise as a martyr sounds like a different barrel of monkeys than a Buddist monk dousing themselves with gasoline to protest a war… People have a history of self-sacrifice when drawing attention to an unjust matter but traditionally this entails imprisonment or, in less wishy-washy countries, having your teeth extracted with pliers and having your testicles electrocuted… Regardless of the severity of punishment most people choose to take it from some representative of power, not from their own hand… Actually most people just shake their heads when they read the newspaper and, when they can stand the excitement, they’ll let out a quiet, “oh that’s terrible”…

Then there are my people who turned self-sacrifice into a weapon by flying their jets into battleships not because it was the only way to secure victory and save the day but because it was the only way that an attack could even take place… Here is the core of the tactical suicide, found in the fervor of a culture which has a ritualistic suicide wherein you slit your stomach open to spill your entrails and quickly flip the sword around to thrust up into your skull to save face, right your wrongs, and die with respect and pride… These people kill themselves for honor…

Mostly the Japanese have calmed down a bit and are more known on the international death circuit for working themselves to death in office buildings… Shame can be dismissed by cutting a finger off to present to your yakyza boss if you fucked up and it’s done… Caves full of people who’d committ mass suicide rather that surrender are now a rare occurance…

Then you have the internationally esteemed author Yukio Mishima who, after a lengthy and respected career, led an invasion into the Defense Minister’s office, took it over and held it as the police and military surrounded the building, then walked out onto a balcony to address the crowd… He issued a statement decrying Japan’s loss of purity, its attraction to modernized and western ways and it’s loss of self, then committed seppuku… Some less forgiving critics make references to Mishima’s supressed homosexuality but still, here’s someone who’s absolutely disgusted with life and society and tried to do something about it…

Interestingly Mishima touches on the topic in one of the books which make up his final testament, “The Sea of Fertility”… A promising young man, well educated and proficient in social, athletic, military and academic life, leads a pack of students and a group of sympathetic soldiers on a small-scale coup de’tat… They wish to remove the taint of western values and capitalism and return Japan to it’s roots of Emperor worship and fuedalism… Sabotage and assassination is a pretty risky endeavour and all participants acknowledge they will die by doing this…

When you’ve given up on livfe you really have nothing to lose… May as well use your death well, accomplish in it what you could never hope to achieve without it…

Categories: Hesitating
  1. Fro
    December 25, 2006 at 12:28 pm

    After waiting so long for this post I have to admit surprise at its morbidity, you’re supposed to be filled with cheer by the holidays

  2. Brendan
    December 26, 2006 at 7:11 pm

    Actually the post and every conversation contained within were all a couple of weeks ago… The fact that I’m technologically incompetant (but trying to remember how it’s done) and that Keith is busy slowed the publishing down… Merry fucking Christmas you jackals!

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